Teen Dating Abuse (4th Entry)

Teen Dating Abuse. I think this is something that severely needs way more attention than it receives. We think that abusive relationships are one of those things that does not affect us directly. A survey conducted at the end of last year showed that more than half of young Singaporeans aged 16 to 30 had not heard of the concept of dating violence.The horrifying thing is that this problem hits much closer to home than one would think. Even if you have personally not experienced any form of abuse, chances are than many of your peers around you have suffered from it at one point of time or another. Experts say that abuse in relationships in Singapore usually goes unreported, and that many victims remain trapped in a violent relationship because they lack the courage to walk away or worse still, are unaware that they are victims of dating violence.

http://news.sc/2009/09/29/facts-about-teen-dating-abuse/
(article dated Sept 29 2009)

The article above basically talks about abuse in teenage relationships, what it stems from, and the different types of abuse that exist. What struck me most about this article was the fact that it highlighted the fact that abuse does not merely adress physical abuse, but emotional and phychological abuse as well. I think that when people talk about abuse, most of the time, they assume that it has to be physical abuse, and that if it is not, then it probably should not even be considered abuse. Assumptions like those are wrong, as well as very dangerous. Many victims who being abused emotionally and psychologically do not even realise the situation they are stuck in until it is too late.

According to ACADV, Teen dating violence often is hidden because teenagers typically:

- are inexperienced with dating relationships.
- are pressured by peers to act violently.
- want independence from parents.
- have "romantic" views of love.

They also state that teen dating abuse is mostly the result of how teenagers view themselves and the people around them.

Young men may believe that:
- they have the right to "control" their female partners in any way necessary.
- "masculinity" is physical aggressiveness
- they "possess" their partner.
- they should demand intimacy.
- they may lose respect if they are attentive and supportive toward their
girlfriends.

Young women may believe that:
- they are responsible for solving problems in their relationships
- their boyfriend's jealousy, possessiveness and even physical abuse, is "romantic."
- abuse is "normal" because their friends are also being abused.
- there is no one to ask for help.

I am not saying that ALL boys carry these ridiculous notions, but it is relatively safe to say that most male abusers abuse their girlfriends/wives in order to establish a sense of control.

While I am very thankful that none of my friends or people close to me have been caught in physically abusive relationships, I do have a number of friends that have been caught in emotionally or phychologically abusive ones(myself included). Emnotional blackmail, the need to make someone feel small and insignificant in order to make oneself feel better and issuing threats of inflicting self-harm if the if the other party fails to comply with his/her demands all constititute forms of abuse. Alot of the time, it is easy for us to forget that the phychological and emotional scars we carry can be just as damaging, or if not more damaging, that the physical ones.

I think the only way to help girls stuck in abusive relationships to get out of it is to ensure that they have a proper support group or a circle of people they can trust in order to give them the courage and strength to leave. However, we all know that prevention is always better a cure. Instead of waiting for girls to get into unhealthy relationships before trying to get them out of it, we should aim to make sure that they do not get into these unhealthy relationships in the first place. It is also the duty of society and schools to educate children from a young age on what constititues abuse and how to deal with it, and more importantly, teach them the importance of establishing healthy relationships in the first place.

So what are your views on teen dating abuse? Do you know anyone who has suffered from it?